Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
