Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
