Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
