i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
