Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
