it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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