trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
