Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
