My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
