New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
