Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
