i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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