He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
