it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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