If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
