Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
