Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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