She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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