He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
