i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
