I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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