you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
and you fell through a lawn chair
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
