Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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