i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize