there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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