I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
