well most of my day revolves around power hour
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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