And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
last night I used snow as a chaser
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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