I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
