u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
