Need sex. Gaining weight.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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