I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
