remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize