Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
