I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
