I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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