glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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