I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
