Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
