is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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