New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
