We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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