hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
