well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
