Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize