I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
