Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
