I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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