it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
