he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
