I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
