In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
