So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
