It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize