Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
