My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
