he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
