and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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