that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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