Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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