tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
