I want to stick my p in your. b.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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