did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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