I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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