i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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