Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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