Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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