Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
