Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize