How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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