and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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