is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
