I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
being pregnant is like rehab
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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