Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
