how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
