The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize