i think my tv is drunk
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
