Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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