cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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