I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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