you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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