Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
how does that bad decision feel?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
