Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
