Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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