I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
