so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
