Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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