We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
