I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
