Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
