I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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