You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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