The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
