wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
