One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
