Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
