how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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